


Tell Me Again

by herondick



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondick/pseuds/herondick
Summary: Tessa ponders her grim future, one without Will.
Relationships: Tessa Gray & Will Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Kudos: 13





	Tell Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

The library was quiet as Tessa sat at one of the large tables reading. From a distance, she could hear rain pounding against the windows. She thumbed through the pages, not paying much attention since she had read this certain book multiple times.

Her mind was elsewhere, and she had retired to reading to attempt to distract her thoughts.

It wasn’t helping.

She had been replaying her and Will’s earlier conversation in her head over and over. She could remembered him saying, “When I’m gone.” He wasn’t talking about when he left to go about his normal daily activities, running errands and such. He was talking about when he was really gone. Gone from the world. Gone from her.

Tessa knew that Will more than likely didn’t think of how his words would affect her. They had talked about it before, and it wasn’t like his death was something she had been ignoring. But today, his words had felt like a knife going into her chest, puncturing her heart.

Tessa was pulled from her thoughts as the door opened. Will stood on the threshold, smiling at her. The light from the hallway illuminated his silvery gray hair, and she was suddenly pulled deep into her memories, remembering the boy with wild, untamable black locks. The color also reminded her of another boy. He held the other piece of Tessa’s heart, but he was now living among darkness and silence.

Will stepped forward into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. “Are you reading that book again, Tess?” he asked, his smile apparent in his voice. “What is the number now? Twelve?”

She smiled back at him as she closed the book. “Stop giving me such a hard time, Will,” she said, reaching her hand out to him. “You have your favorite books, and I have mine.” She let herself stare at him as he walked over to her.

At sixty seven, he was still getting around quite well, she thought. It was only up until recently that she had noticed him struggling to get out of bed, or needing assistance walking up stairs. His years of training and fighting as a Shadowhunter had also begun to take a toll on him. She knew his joints sometimes pained him, and she watched with a tightness in her chest as he limped over to her, quickly moving his hand down to grab his knee.

He took her hand, bringing it up to his lips as he sat in the chair beside her. There was an air about him that was unnerving to Tessa, like he was holding himself back from saying something. He looked over at her, his blue eyes dark. “Will you tell me why you’ve gone off and hidden yourself away in the library?” he asked, his voice oddly quiet.

She looked at him, her eyes wide with surprise. “Hiding? The library is one of my most popular haunts in the house.” She truly hadn’t realized he would think of her sitting in here for a long time as hiding.

Will laughed once, trying for lightness. “Indeed, it is,” he said, dropping her hand as he leaned back into the chair. He looked at her then, his face serious, which was alarming because Will was rarely serious about anything. “So it has nothing to do with what I said earlier?”

Tessa tried to hide her shock, acting like she had no idea what he was talking about. “What you said earlier? My apologies,” she said, fighting against the quiver in her voice, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Will shook his head as he ran a hand through his hair. “Tessa, please. I know you better than anyone.” He grabbed her hands, his fingers warming her cold ones. “I know when you’re upset, especially when it is something I say that causes you pain.”

She took a deep breath. He was right, and he deserved to know why she had locked herself away in the library for the past three hours. “Yes, Will,” she said, her voice coming out in a breath. “I am in here because of what you said earlier. About when you’re gone.” She didn’t hide her quivering voice this time.

Will bowed his head over her hands, almost as if he were praying. He was silent for a few moments, and Tessa worried that she had upset him. But then, “It’s inevitable, Tess.” His voice was a whisper, and it was full of sadness. “I will die one day, and I will be leaving you behind. I am so sorry.” His body began to tremble as he spoke.

Tessa pulled her hands away from him, and then wrapped her arms around his body. She held him close, feeling his muscles tense. She hadn’t meant to make him feel this way, as if he should apologize for being with her. “Will,” she whispered, her voice pleading, “you have no reason to be sorry. I know it’s inevitable, and believe me, I have thought about it every day since I fell in love with you, but I don’t regret anything.”

He laid his head on her shoulder, and she could feel him relax. “I have thought about it as well. More so the last few months. I know you’ve noticed my health declining, so don’t act like you haven’t.”

Tessa sighed. “I have noticed, but no matter what, you will always be my beautiful Will.” She pressed a kiss to his hair, fighting back the tears in her eyes. “My beautiful, beautiful Will.”

“Will you be alright?” he asked. “I mean, you and the children-“

Tessa placed a finger over his mouth, not able to bear hearing anymore. “Our children and grandchildren are strong, and they will endure. They will miss you, of course.” She took a deep breath. “As for me, a piece of me will go with you when you leave me, Will. I don’t know how I will recover, but I will find a way. For you, our children, and for Jem.” She paused then, examining his face. “I have had more happiness and love with you than most people will ever get to experience. And because I live, you will live also. Forever in my memories and always in my heart.”

Will’s eyes were shining as he looked at her. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find words. “Tell me again,” he said finally. “I just need to hear it again.”

She took his face in her hands, running her thumb across his cheekbones. “I will be alright. You have given me so much, Will. Children, love, memories.. and as long as I am alive and walking on this earth, you will be with me, for you will always be in my heart.”

He was looking at her in complete awe, his eyes searching her face. “My beautiful Tess,” he murmured. “You have always known the words I need to hear. The words my heart needs.” He pulled her into him then, laying her head against his chest. She could heart his heart beating, still steady and strong.

Tessa closed her eyes, as if she could shield herself from the horrible future without Will. She laughed to herself, wanting to lighten the mood. “Based on how you’re going now, I think we still have a few more years until we have to worry about any of this. Let us enjoy the time we have together.”

Will chuckled, leaning down to kiss Tessa’s forehead. “You are ever wise, my wife,” he whispered. He tightened his arms around her, rocking her slightly.

Tessa felt as if she could fall asleep like this, wrapped up in Will’s arms. But then, she remembered her favorite thing to do with Will.

“Will you read to me?” she asked, looking up at him through her lashes. “I know I’ve read this book many times, but-”

Will silenced her with his lips. She felt him smiling. He pulled away, looking down at her with laughter in his eyes. “Of course I will read to you, Tess.” He grabbed the book, and opened it to one of the many dog-eared pages. “Are you going to fall asleep on me again?”

She laughed softly as she cuddled in closer to his side. “Possibly,” was all she said in response.

Tessa didn’t fall asleep. She knew that one day, hopefully many years into the future, she would be filled with regret if she did fall asleep. Instead, she sat gazing up at Will, committing every detail of his face to memory. She memorized the way his mouth moved as he read to her, the way his lips would quirk up into a smile when he got to a particular part of the book he enjoyed.

She didn’t know how much longer it would be before her world came crashing down around her, but that didn’t matter tonight. All that mattered now, was her and Will, and this moment. The two of them wrapped up in each other’s arms in their home. From this day forward, Tessa would enjoy every moment with Will that was given to her, until the day those moments were no more.


End file.
